had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize