She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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