can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
