half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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