Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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