Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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