I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
