Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Randomize
