Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
