I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize