I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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