I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
