ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
