Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm like, not good at living.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
