Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
