The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize