dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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