Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
