You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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