White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
