Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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