maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
