i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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