I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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