when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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