The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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