Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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