Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
