it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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