Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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