Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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