you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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