Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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