I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
