Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
