I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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