Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize