Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
