:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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