You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
