well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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