Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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