a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize