Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
