High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
