do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
