I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
