he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
