I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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