McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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