so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
