Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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