we have officially lost it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
