I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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