Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
