I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
pop tarts are not kleenex
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
