He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
