I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
