I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
