You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
