You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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