Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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