Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
