im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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