I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
