My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
