Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
