I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
