I think I am morally bankrupt
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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