Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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