This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize